Jett Sophia's Tenacity Notes

#178

While navigating a difficult situation with a commitment to make the best of it, I found that the situation did not have the power to confound me. Challenge me, yes. But not cause me distress. And as it went along, I kept finding silver linings. If I hadn’t been making the best of it, if I had been grumbling, feeling like a victim, being judgmental — any of the ways I have of being defended — I wouldn’t have noticed the silver linings. Making the best of it revealed silver linings that I would otherwise have sworn could not be there.

Notice: My internet provider has informed me that my email address must change. (Another opportunity to make the best of it!) My new address is jett@mnmicro.net. My old address, jett@mm.com, will work for a while yet, but please change my address in your address book now, since I’ll begin using the new address soon. That way, you’ll avoid having Tenacity Notes end up in your junk mail.  Thanks.

If you’re curious, we’re staying in a campground in Apple Valley, a southern suburb of Minneapolis, and we’ll stay here for 2 weeks. It’s very nice to be back in the Twin Cities for awhile.

#177

I’m having plenty of practice in making the best of it. I find that at my best I am open-hearted and undefended. I also find that I am at my best in fits and starts. I trust that I’ll get better with practice!

We’re in the midst of the spring snowbird migration, and grounded in Osceola, Iowa for awhile. Another week and we should be in the Twin Cities, where we plan to stay for a week or two. Then up to northern Minnesota for the summer. At least that’s the plan as it stands now.

#176

A reader writes: “I have a lot of distress in my life, and your idea that it is self-inflicted was insulting. At first. But since the idea came from you, I gave it my consideration. Grudgingly, I admit that you’re probably right. So I’ve made a list of all the things that cause me distress, and one at a time I’m trying to figure out how not to be distressed by them. This is a big deal for me, and it is not easily done. But I’ve told myself that I’ll try it religiously for two months, without judging the process as I go, then I’ll evaluate. I’m keeping a daily journal about it. Since you instigated this, I may be calling on you for your wise counsel. (That last sentence is meant fondly. Picture it with one of those smiley faces.)”

I like this reader’s organized approach. I’m eager to hear how it goes, and what her final evaluation is. And yes, she can call my any time. As can any of you.

#175

I was sick in bed for awhile with pneumonia. Thus no Tenacity Notes last week. I’m pretty much better now. Having pneumonia put me in mind of death, and I’ve been thinking about a couple of people I know who’ve died. One of them thought a lot about how people — her children, her landlord, etc. — were messing with her. It distressed her greatly. The other spent a lot of time fussing about the people in her life, wanting them to live their lives differently. It distressed her greatly. And now they’re dead. I wonder: “Why? Why didn’t you focus on fulfillment? Why did you shroud yourself in defenses? Why didn’t you step free of them?”

Of course it’s not for me to analyze them. I don’t know their paths or purposes. I don’t know what they were learning here. (Unless of course they were clients, but that’s a whole different story)

But thinking about them has caused me to think about myself, and to wonder about the ways I inflict distress on myself. And so I ask of myself what I’d asked of them. These can be useful questions for all of us. What patterns of thought or behavior, what beliefs, what expectations do you have that hinder your happiness, that cause you distress, that move you away from fulfillment? Name them, recognize them when they show up, and then find a different way to think or act. Which is often easier said than done. Sometimes it will seem that you’re stubbornly committed to distressing yourself! But give your attention to it, and you’ll soon find that you’re not distressing yourself quite so much as you used to.

What do you think about this: most, if not all distress you experience is self-inflicted.

Let me know how it goes.

#174

I was watching the wind as it was swirling the dust and blowing the leaves, and thinking how the wind is only known by the effects it causes. Love is like that. Love has no physicality — it can’t be described, like a tree or a person can be. It can only be described by the effects it causes. But unlike the wind, which is external to us, love can also be known by the internal effects it causes. And I can’t generate the wind, but I can generate love. How do I know I have done so? And what exactly are the effects that love causes? How exactly does one generate it?

Did you notice that the wind was swirling the dust and not the snow? While Minnesota is still in a snowy deepfreeze, I am in the midst of spring, spring about to turn to summer. We’ll be leaving Texas early in April, and hope to be back on the Iron Range by early May. We’ll follow spring, and the wind that accompanies it, to the northland. It’s been a great winter for me in Texas, and I’ll be sorry to leave my friends and clients and activities here. But I’m also eager to get back to the far northland, and the Boundary Waters Canoe Area, and friends and family and clients up there. See you soon, hardy Minnesotans!

Wherever you are, I hope your seasonal transition is delightful.

#173

Remember to always leave a conflict better than you found it.

Let me know how you do so.

#172

This entire issue is from readers. The first 5 items are a list of things one reader noticed about gratitude while doing his daily list of 10 gratitudes.

1.  It is possible to invoke a feeling of gratitude by an act of will.  That surprised me; I thought one was either grateful, or one was not grateful.  Apparently there is a latent gratitude there… all the time?

2.  As I expected, there are many things that I take for granted and rarely think about.  When I think about them, I remember how grateful I am for them.  E.g. my fingers. my sense of smell; my legs.  Ten trillion things!

3.  Every difficulty seems to have a mirror — or mirrors — of blessing, and the choice to focus on one or the other is up to me.  E.g.  Do I curse my poor vision?  Or give thanks for having vision in the first place?  Or give thanks for my vision being fully correctible?  Or, give thanks for all the things I’ve seen up to now, regardless of what I may see at the moment?  etc etc.

4.  When making the lists, I often felt grateful for my ability to feel gratitude.

5.  One surprising thing that came into clear focus, and remains there: I am grateful for my ability to take things for granted.  Just “doing” or “being” without consciousness is a tremendous gift!  Then, when I can also bring these taken-for-granted things to my consciousness, that’s also a gift!  Then I can be grateful for being so “OK” that I don’t have to think about it most of the time.

Another reader spoke to #5 in a way. Gratitude, she said, conscious gratitude, serves to slow down a life that is too busy. Gratitude gives her the space to have her experiences, as opposed to allowing her busyness to gloss over much of what she experiences. Yet another reader said much the same thing.

What did you notice?